Transformers Huminated: Return of the Headmaster
by TheWeasel027
Summary: The Headmaster returns and, thanks to his new boss Powell, he's got a clean slate. Now he's using it to steal bodies again. Meanwhile, Sari has her own problems as she's forced out of her home.
1. Out With The Old In With The New

Just in case I didn't make it as clear in the episode "Headmaster" as I'd hoped I did, here's how the unit works: The unit knocks out its victim and slides onto the head like a helmet. It can then control the victim via a control signal from Masterson's suit. But in order to maintain control, the victim's consciousness has to be removed in case s/he eventually wakes up. So the consciousness is removed from the mind and placed in a robotic head which works like an android. I know it's probably bending a few laws of nature (and pretty inconvenient to have to download a brain into a fake head), but it's all I got. So, anyway, hope ya'll like my story regardless.

****************************************************************

"So then he tells me I have to move out! I mean helloo! I live here! this is my home! And who does this Porter C. Powell guy think he is?!" Sari shouted to the world as she packed all her stuff. She had to sit on the suitcase to force it closed so she could lock it. "'Chairman of the board.' What does that even mean?! They should just call him 'Big-Jerk-Who-Thinks-He's-In-Charge-Of-Everything'!" She picked up her suitcase and walked towards the door, but was stopped by none other than Powell himself.

"Oh I don't think I'm in charge young lady. I know it," Powell smiled, "Now hurry along. I need this room more Research and Development. In order to recover the money that _you_ lost while you were playing at being in charge, Ms. Sumdac. Or can I even call you that?"

"Just because there's no record I'm Isaac Sumdac's daughter doesn't mean I'm not! He's my dad! And I don't care what you say! Ugh! Why am I even talking to you?!" Sari turned away picked up the briefcase and walked to the door, "Come on Sparkplug. Come on Tudor-bot. we're leaving. This place stinks!" She went into the hallway and pressed for the elevator.

"Might I remind you that these robots are both Sumdac Systems property? _Leave_ them," Powell walked into the hallway, "Now hurry along. The new occupant will be here soon to set up for his new R-and-D department." The elevator door opened. "Ah, speak of the devil."

"You!" Sari gasped.

"That's right!" Henry Masterson stood proudly, "The master man with the master plan is BACK!" Masterson shoved his way through Powell and Sari then Tudor-bot and Sparkplug and looked around Sari's room. "Wooah. Check it. Major cribbage. And it's mine. All mine. Mhm hmhm. Ahahaha!"

"You can't hire that guy back! He's crazy!"

"That, thankfully, is no longer your concern," Powell pushed Sari into the elevator after its doors slid open. "G'bye now." Powell tossed in her suitcase and shut the door.

****************************************************************

"Citizens of Earth; Mayor Edsel; Police Captain Fanzone, I _Sentinel_ Prime speak to you on the behest of our great commander Ultra Magnus," Sentinel Prime spoke over the microphone as camera-bots and –men snapped pictures of the stage, "who could not be here today because he has more important matters to attend to than worrying about this small underdeveloped planet. Not to say that we Cybertronians don't _mind_ helping out you simple Earthlings. Especially in light of the fact that our scanners have yet to detect any serious contaminants on your skin." Edsel, Fanzone, and Edsel's assistant looked at Optimus. Optimus merely shrugged.

"Sorry sir, this was meant to merely be a friendly photo op," Edsel's assistant whispered to the mayor.

"Prime! Prime!" a newsbot called.

"Yes?" Optimus and Sentinel asked at once.

"_Optimus_ Prime. Is it true that all Cybertronians have complete disregard for those who live on earth and view the planet as nothing more than a battleground for the upcoming and never-ending Cybertronian wars?"

"Why you little!" Sentinel threatened. Optimus snatched away the microphone.

"What Sentinel is trying to say is that we are honored to be such welcomed guests here on your planet. We are also truly sorry for all that you have had to endure due to the recent Decepticon attacks. And with the threat of Megatron constantly looming, fears can run a little—"

"Enough!" Sentinel snatched the microphone away. "You all will direct your questions directly to me!" Sentinel turned to Optimus, "Don't ever presume you can speak to me Optimus. The last thing we need is some over glorified repairman speaking about matters he doesn't understand!" Sentinel turned back to the audience, waved at the flashing cameras, then back to Optimus. "A scrub like you should just stand there, look pretty, and stay outta the way." Sentinel turned back to the audience. "Now…um…what am I supposed to do now?"

"Well, according to Earth customs, you have to shake hands with the mayor," Optimus answered with secret satisfaction. Edsel held out his hand. Sentinel stared in horror at Edsel's hand.

"T-touch? An earthling?!" Sentinel gasped in disgust.

"Unless you wanna pass of such a great diplomatic opportunity to such a 'lowly repairman.'" Sentinel growled at Optimus. He took another look at the hand of doom. He reached out, gave one shake, and yanked his hand away. He pulled out an anti-bacterial spray and showered his hand furiously while mumbling to himself.

"Same ol' Sentinel," Optimus sighed.

***************************************************************

"Thanks for taking me in guys," Sari muttered sadly before walking into the Autobot base.

"Are you kidding?! This is gonna be great! It'll be one nonstop party!" Bumblebee cheered.

"Yeah…party…" Sari handed her suitcases to Bulkhead, "I bet Masterson's throwing himself one big party right now.

"How could they hire that nutjob body snatcher to work for your father's company anyway?" Bulkhead asked.

"It goes against everything my father stood for! My father…"

"Hey, don't you worry about anything, roomy. You're living with us now. And it's gonna rock!" Bumblebee assured. Sari didn't answer and merely sat down on the couch. "We need to do something to make her feel happy and at home."

"How do we feel happy and at home?" Bulkhead asked. Bumblebee smirked.

*****************************************************************

"Isn't this great?!" Bumblebee shouted over the blaring music that was blowing Sari deep into the beanbag chair and the flashing lights on the TV screen blinded her.

"If it's alright with you guys, I'd like to just relax in my room a little!" Sari got up and walked to the hallway.

"Good idea! You're gonna love your new room! We fixed it up just for you!"

******************************************************************

When Sari walked into her room, she found an even bigger TV screen with even brighter flashing lights and a stereo system with even louder music which shook the entire room. Sari sighed.

******************************************************************

"This place totally rocks!" Masterson jumped onto the couch, sunk into the sofa, and sat his feet on a nearby coffee table. "This'll be a smoking sight for some classic R-and-D. Total psychage. I'll have to set up my systems here for some serious gamage." Masterson picked up a remote and flipped through the channels.

"Ahem. Masterson, I expect great things from you," Powell interrupted Masterson's housewarming, "Need I remind you that it wasn't easy clearing up your name after that previous…misunderstanding?"

"Relax P.C. Henry Masterson is in the house. On the scene. Pumped and ready for some triple action! You name it; I'll deliver."

"Good. I plan to explore the very profitable robotics industry that the short sighted Sumdac sole summarily ignored in the past. Specifically military bots. Headmasters the whole works."

"Oh P.C., you are so talkin my language. And it hurts! Mhmhehehe. But I need a new test subject. The one I used before is so last news; so ten minutes ago. What I need is a new one. One of those dudes from outer space!" Masterson got up and paced the room for thirty seconds then looked at the news. "Like _him_." Masterson pointed at Sentinel Prime's head. "PERFECTION! Ah hahahaha! Aha."


	2. Masterson's Back In Action

"Hello? Captain Fanzone, I'd like to report a Decepticon sighting. Yes, it's down in Old Detroit. Yeah, I was so scared! Please do something please!" Masterson pleaded innocently.

"_Don't worry ma'am. We're on it,"_ Fanzone replied then hung up.

"Ma'am? Oh, I am _so_ not a ma'am," Masterson frowned.

*****************************************************************

"Attention all units, we have a Decepticon sighting in Old Detroit," Fanzone alerted.

"A Decepticon? Pfft," Sentinel laughed, "These earthlings wouldn't know a Decepticon from a janitor! Gheheha." He nudged Optimus, who didn't seem the least bit amused, with his elbow then turned to a man. "Tell your Captain that we're going to investigate."

"Um, Sentinel? That's a janitor," Optimus said blankly.

"Well of course it's a janitor! I didn't just arrive on this planet yesterday ya know."

"Actually…"

"Never mind. Let's just go."

****************************************************************

The blue and white Auto-Rover tore through town, street signs, and cars while Optimus barely clung to his seat if not for the seatbelts.

"Sentinel! Red means stop!" Optimus shouted as Sentinel drove through three different red lights and causing two different pileups.

"Ask me later when I care! I'm in a hurry!" Sentinel responded. After ten minutes of demolition derby, they finally arrived in Old Detroit. The two exited the vehicle. "We'll have to continue on foot. Too much rubble ahead."

"As if that would be a problem for a guy like you?" Sentinel ignored Optimus and pulled out a stop sign that was jammed inside the rover's front bumper.

"They really gotta stop putting these things on every corner," Sentinel sighed then tossed away the sign. Just then Fanzone and his men arrived. Sentinel knocked on Fanzone's car door. "Uh, you earthlings would probably just get in the way. Best to just hang back and leave it to us Autobots." Fanzone's face twitched to a frown. "And don't worry Fanzone, I've got a repairman along to clean up anything that might get messy. Mhmhmhm." Sentinel chuckled to himself as he and Optimus left to explore the remains of Old Detroit.

"This is why I hate aliens," Fanzone growled. "Especially arrogant, full-of-themselves aliens!"

******************************************************************

"Let's split up and get this over with as soon as possible," Sentinel suggested.

"We should scramble our comlinks in case the Decepticons are listening in," Optimus said.

"What you _should_ do is do what AllSpark knows you were born to do. If I need a trashcan emptied or a floor mopped, I'll just call my buddy Optimus Prime. Or should I say _Maintenance_ Prime? Mehuhuhuhuhu." Sentinel then walked away giddily. Optimus walked in the opposite direction.

"'Maintenance Prime'…then I'll just call you 'Pompous Jerk-Face Prime'. Yeah…that's what I shoulda said," Optimus mumbled.

*******************************************************************

"'Maintenance Prime.' Gehuhu," Sentinel chuckled, "Oh, I gotta remember that one." Then he heard a sound. He quickly drew his energy lance and shield. Then he heard a hiss and a screech. "Gah! Ahaa!" he screamed and slashed wildly at the surrounding area. A small cat jumped out from the rubble and ran away. "Stupid earth creature!" Sentinel spat. He felt a sharp pain in his back which turned to an excruciating shock. Then all turned black.

********************************************************************

"_Uh, Optimus, tell the earthling Fanzone that he can send his forces home,"_ Sentinel told Optimus, _"It's a false alarm."_

"How do you know?" Optimus asked.

"_I just know okay?! Now, I need you to come to my position. _Alone_. And promise me one more thing."_

"What?"

"_That you won't laugh."_ Optimus shrugged and followed Sentinel's signal to the source. He looked for Sentinel, but found no one.

"Sentinel?" he called, "Where are you?"

"Look down…" Sentinel's voice whispered. Optimus looked down to see the disembodied head of none other than Sentinel Prime.

"Bahahahaa!"

"You _promised_ you wouldn't laugh!"

"Aha. Sorry."

"I can't let anyone see me like this! Especially Ultra Magnus!"

"Oh, but it doesn't matter if _I_ see you because I matter so little?"

"That's not how I would put it. I just need you to cover for me."

"Like how you covered for me all those years ago?"

"Let's not drag the past into this. I know some lesser men might take advantage of a situation like this, but you—Optimus. You're a—"

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is," Optimus picked up Sentinel, "'sucker'."

"_Yo bossman. Got a heads up for ya,"_ Bumblebee called on the comlink, _"Powell just rehired that whackjob Headmaster."_

"I had a feeling he was back in action."

"_Really? How?"_

"Ahem! Mhm hm mm hm hm mm!" Sentinel panicked.

"Call it a hunch," Optimus smiled.


	3. Optimus vs Sentinel

"Are we there yet? I can't see a thing from here," Sentinel complained. "Where are you taking me anyway?"

"To see if Powell knows the whereabouts of his new employee Mr. Masterson," Optimus answered, "And your…body." At a red light, Optimus stopped the Elite Auto-Rover sending Sentinel out of his seat, despite the seatbelt around his chin, and into the window. He slid down the window, off the dashboard, bounced off the chair, and under the dashboard.

"And _that_ is how you stop at a red light," Optimus smiled ever so smugly.

"Omkay, mow…I meary can't shee," Sentinel groaned.

*****************************************************************

"Here ya are Sari. A good ol' buffet of all your favorite foods," Bulkhead smiled. He dropped a platter of Burger Bot burgers, french-fries, candy, diet cherry soda, a pizza, more candy, donuts, and even more candy. Sari sighed and walked away.

"You gonna eat that?" Bulkhead pointed to a burger.

"Guess she wasn't hungry," Bumblebee shrugged.

******************************************************************

"Don't go running off Sentinel," Optimus set Sentinel down on next to an indoor decorative tree.

"Oh haha, very funny," Sentinel said with extreme sarcasm. Optimus walked toward Powell.

"That's far enough Optimus Prime," Powell said, "Gone are the days when you Autobots could just waltz in and out of this tower. _I'm_ in charge now."

"I'm looking for Mr. Henry Masterson," Optimus said.

"Well, I can be completely honest when I say that Mr. Masterson is not here."

"So, you wouldn't mind if I just took a look around?" Optimus walked to the elevators, but Powell stopped him.

"I mind very much. This is private property. Please leave." Optimus frowned, then walked back to Sentinel, picked him up, and left. Powell dialed a number on his phone. "Optimus Prime was just here. Looking for you."

_"Suh-weet,"_ Masterson replied, _"Did you already tell him I got a big dumb body?"_

"This is serious Masterson. We have a very public image that must be maintained."

**************************************************************

_"—that must be maintained."_ Optimus clicked off his comlink. They'd intercepted enough.

"Powell's lying," Optimus said, "I'm tempted to call Fanzone and have him go in with a search warrant."

"No!" Sentinel protested, "We, ahem, don't want anyone else involved in this."

"Lucky for you we don't need to. I'm tracing Powell's phone call."

*************************************************************

"The signal's coming from that ship," Optimus said, "I'm also picking up a constant back and forth radio wave coming from the ship. I'm pretty sure that both your body and Masterson are on board."

"Then hurry up already! They're casting off!" Sentinel rushed. Before Optimus could go much further, a crate started to wildly shake. The crate burst open, and Sparkplug and Tudor-bot, both wearing headmasters, jumped out.

"Looks like we've got a welcoming committee."

"Oh please. What can they do?" Just then, Tudor-bot's face screen glowed purple and fired out lasers while Sparkplug fired blasts out of his mouth. The two bombarded the Primes with laser fire.

"We need to take cover!" Optimus shouted. He ran towards some crates, but Tudor-bot jumped up and kicked Sentinel out of his arms. Optimus pulled out his axe and swung at Tudor-bot who dodged easily. Meanwhile, Sentinel bounced around to dodge Sparkplug's lasers.

"While you hurry it up Optimus?!" Sentinel shouted. Optimus grabbed him with his grappler then held onto him. "Need I remind you that that ship—and my body—are getting away?!"

"Would you prefer I use your head as a shield?! Actually that's not a bad idea."

"Now, now, Optimus let's not lose our—well, you know what I mean." Just then, Tudor-bot blasted apart their cover.

"Time to move!" Optimus ran through the two bots and off the dock.

"We're not gonna make it!" Sentinel cried. Optimus shot themselves through the air with his axe's rocket then jammed the axe into the boat's side and climbed up. "Told ya we'd make it."

***************************************************************

"Just because you don't have a Tudor-bot anymore doesn't mean you have to stop learning," Bumblebee adjusted the small mortarboard cap that just barely fit on the top of his head.

"Right. We can teach you," Bulkhead adjusted his glasses.

"So, class, today's lesson is…um…well, stuff, and how it works. Any questions?"

"Yeah. Why is there no record of my existence?" Sari glumly asked.

"Okay…a little bit…outside the lesson plan. Professor Bulkhead, your thoughts?"

"…Maybe she came here from another planet in some kinda egg and _crashed_ on Sumdac's doorstep," Bulkhead suggested.

"Mhm. Or…a portal! Could have opened…and she fell through from another _dimension_."

"Or maybe she's really a robot!"

"Or Sumdac found her in a cabbage patch."

"Or that stork thing."

"Stop it! Stop it!" Sari cried, "I can't. It's just. Please. Just leave me alone!" Sari ran off to her room and slammed the door shut. Bumblebee and Bulkhead looked at each other.

****************************************************************

Optimus carved a hole into the roof then looked inside.

"My body's not here! We're too late!" Sentinel despaired. Just then, Optimus was kicked in the head and fell into the boat's storage chamber. They both looked up to see Sentinel's body wearing a headmaster unit. "Oh there it is."

"Prepare to be schooled lamers!" Headmaster jumped down, activated Sentinel's shield, which was now edged with spikes, and slapped Optimus away and into a pile of crates.

"Woah, I don't remember my shield ever being that powerful."

"Well ya know me, I can't resist the upgrades. Nhmhmhm."

"And you know me, Masterson. I can't resist kicking your sorry butt!" Optimus banged his axe against the shield.

"Oh tough talk, lumberjack. Well guess what? You're about to get flayed!" Masterson pulled out Sentinel's spear, which seemed to have grown in length, and slashed at Optimus who dodged it. Optimus returned the slash with his axe, but Masterson blocked and countered, knocking the axe out of his hand and through the roof's hole.

"Yes! I am _so_ leet!" Masterson cheered.

"Yeah? Well I have _no_ idea what that means!" Optimus charged, dug his shoulder into Headmaster's gut, wrapped his arms around his waist, and then ran him into a wall. He then started punching Masterson relentlessly.

"Ow! Oh! Gah! Doh! You're enjoying this aren't you?!" Sentinel accused. Optimus merely smiled. Headmaster took advantage of this distraction to knock Optimus away then pin him down with the shield. Optimus did all he could to keep the spikes from slashing his head. Optimus grabbed Headmaster's elbow and forearm, and then kicked him causing him to drop the shield. A loud crack could be plainly heard.

"You…you broke my arm…" Sentinel gasped.

"It was trying to jam shield spikes into my face!" Optimus defended. He picked up the shield and held it menacingly.

"Yo angry dude! Chill! Please?" Masterson pleaded. Optimus continuously slapped and slashed Headmaster with the shield. Headmaster then kicked Optimus away. "Later noobs! The Headmaster's gotta bounce!" Headmaster then started to run away. Optimus looked at Sentinel and kicked him into Headmaster knocking him to the ground, and giving him enough time to yank the headmaster unit off Sentinel's body.

"You kicked me! On _purpose_!" Sentinel barked.

"You're not 'bouncing' anywhere Masterson. Except back to prison. Fanzone'll be waiting for you back on the docks."

*****************************************************************

"Yo, law-dog," Masterson said to Fanzone, "First: I do _not_ sound like a ma'am. And second: if you think you're layin down the rules, you'd best conversate with my boss. Him." Powell's limo then rolled onto the docks. Porter C. Powell stepped out.

"Captain Fanzone, I suggest you release my employee," Powell said.

"I don't think so Mr. Powell," Fanzone replied.

"And you're holding him on what charges? Destruction of property? The ship belongs to Sumdac systems. Assault? Since when do aliens have rights? Plus, didn't the alleged incident occur on multinational waters between the US and Canada? A little out of your jurisdiction wouldn't you agree captain? So why don't you just work it out with the Mounties and let me know?" Powell started to walk away.

"Well how bout that phony call? I don't see any Decepticons. And I don't think Masterson saw any neither," Fanzone crossed his arms, "Plus, the jerk in blue, may not be legal, but Optimus's had his papers pushed."

"Isn't it possible that he'd seen a Decepticon in Old Detroit and then the Decepticon just decided to lay low? And let's not forget, Optimus had broken onto _my_ ship, and Masterson was merely defending himself against an intruder. Now, the handcuffs?" Powell smirked smugly. Fanzone growled and mumbled to himself while he unlocked Masterson's cuffs. Then Masterson and Powell drove away in the limo.

"Thanks for trying Captain," Optimus said.

"Eh, don't mention it. Ever," Fanzone replied.

*****************************************************************

Bumblebee and Bulkhead were about to knock on Sari's door when Prowl stopped them.

"Haven't you two done enough damage already?" Prowl asked.

"All we wanted to do is make her happy," Bulkhead explained.

"But all we did is make things worse," Bumblebee sighed.

"Then be _silent_. She will _tell_ you what she needs if you simply listen," Prowl said before walking away. Bumblebee and Bulkhead nodded, slowly opened the door and walked inside. Sari was lying on her tire-bed staring at the ceiling.

"What do _you_ guys want?" she muttered then sat up.

"Nothing," Bumblebee said.

"We just wanna know if you're okay," Bulkhead weakly smiled.

"Okay?" she repeated, "If I'm…okay? My dad is missing. I lost control of his company! That Powell guy is gonna ruin everything he good he worked for! I've been kicked out the only home I've ever known! AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I EXIST! AND YOU THINK I'M OKAY?!" She then broke into tears and sobs. Bumblebee and Bulkhead sat down next to her. Bumblebee wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"You cry as much as you need to. We're here. And you're safe," Bumblebee consoled, "So whatever it is, you can always talk to us. We'll listen." Sari stopped crying and hugged Bumblebee tightly.

"Thank you," she breathed.

****************************************************************

"I wanna know Sentinel Prime," Ultra Magnus said, "What are these rumors about you _losing_ your head?" Sentinel Prime stood there shaking like gelatin.

"If I may sir," Optimus said, "Sentinel Prime bravely used himself as bait to draw out the Headmaster, so we could capture him and destroy his secret lab." Sentinel nodded furiously.

"Good work both of you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must confer with Cybertron Command on a matter of great importance," Ultra Magnus walked away. Optimus and Sentinel walked down a hallway.

"Sorry again if I presumed to speak for you again Sentinel," Optimus said.

"Uh, Optimus, there's something I need to say," Sentinel choked, "thankyou."

"Wow. That must've hurt."

"More than you'll know." Sentinel and Optimus shook hands.


End file.
